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Conversation recently overheard at the home of Doug Mathewson as related by Bartholomew Cat:
"Write what you know", his wife said.
City still refuses to honor native son. Local author does not get huge advance. Again.
Twenty-two quarters will do laundry, but not if you buy cat food first. Returnable can and bottles are not recognized by lending
institutions as an 'income source'. Guess maybe I know too much...
"Oh, go work on 'True Stories From Imaginary Lives' till you
feel better. Is it still called
www.little2say.org? Remember, milk and cookies if you get your shit together."
Down Sized


Life could be worse, much worse. He could still say "Professor Jacob Bernstein, Former Chair of Literature, Cornell University",
and there were his publishing credits (not that there was any actual income from either source). But more importantly, he was
working. Working, still able to live in Manhattan and continue teaching. So many colleagues and acquaintances of his age and
tenure had been herded quickly towards "early-retirement", offered "buy-out-packages." Exiled and sentenced to a living death.
Shepherded to a quiet demise. Extinction would be a more accurate description. Teaching jobs, good or bad, were quite a rare
commodity in this economy, and being an elitist English Literature Professor no longer an option. Things were different now.
Times, sadly, had quite changed.

Jacob was a very good teacher, by anyone's standard, always tailoring lesson plans and curriculum to best fit the class. He truly
cared what his students would take with them from his classes. This was a major challenge indeed--his incoming classes would
be very different. The So-Ho Institute of Fashion Evening Program offered a far more exotic group of students than any Ivy
Grad-School could ever hope for. When hired, he was told repeatedly that twice "Project Runway" has filmed at the school and
with a bit of luck he might have a cameo appearance in an upcoming spring segment.

"Fashion Institute Professor of Literature" had a quirky ring to it. He liked it, even if it was a rather hollow ring. Maybe a 60's
ring. "Think 'Blow-Up', think 'Zabriske Point'," he said aloud, "and all the other art-house movies of that delightful decade long
past. There is your key." Why should the classics of literature, particularly American literature be so hamstrung by tradition?
Making these great works relevant to new generations was so much more vital than upholding established traditional
interpretations of these novels. Yes, he would make things different, as different as need be to make it work for his new classes.
A new generation, always he had felt, should see with new eyes.
I'll start with the driest material, he mused, and see just how
we fare.


"So, my dear young friends, Hester Prin refused to wear her scarlet letter. It was shaped entirely wrong for her face, the color
clashed with
everything she owned and it limited so severely what she could do with her hair. It was a difficult fashion problem,
but a problem for the courts as well, since she was obliged to wear this inappropriate, tacky bit of flair. A more reasonable
settlement was eventually reached. A solution of which some of you may be aware." Smiling to himself, Jacob continued "Since
the only charge she was finally convicted of was "Contempt of Court" she would wear two 'Cs'. She would not actually wear
them on her outfits (since there could be no guarantee it would work any better than the initial Scarlet 'A'), but rather on a large
shoulder bag or any other accessory item she might carry or wear. And that, class, is how the Coach brand was born oh so
many years ago. We still see Hester's influence today, in many fine stores as well as popular knock-offs, sold by enterprising
street vendors through our fair city," he concluded, his confidence now renewed.
Doug Mathewson
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